Core principles:
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You are not responsible for another person’s feelings, but you absolutely are responsible for your actions, and you’re responsible TO and WITH that person to co-create your relationship.
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There are two crucial elements to a good relationship: Selection and Maintenance. Both are essential. Neither is sufficient unto itself.
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Doesn’t it make sense to put at least as much research, knowledge, and experience in choosing people you want to see again as you would in buying a car?
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Be the chooser. Choose smart.
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If your inner smoke alarm goes off, do NOT pull the battery out! That inner wisdom is your best friend.
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If you two aren’t a good fit, sandpapering yourself or the Other won’t make it a good fit. It just skins you up.
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Canned approaches, no matter how clever the book’s title, only work for some of the people, some of the time. You aren’t from Mars and you aren’t from Venus — you are a unique individual and should be treated and respected as such.
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Respect is a two-way street.