Put Your Big Girl Panties On & Deal With It!

The no-nonsense guide to getting what you want!

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Sample Chapter: INTRODUCTION

Life itself is the proper binge. —Julia Child

Becky and her husband Greg were walking through the mall one day, heading for a movie, when a girl walked toward them wearing a T-shirt that said, “Put your big girl panties on and deal with it!”

Greg laughed. “Somebody ought to write a book with that title.” Becky answered, “And I know just the person who could do it, my old buddy back in Dallas.”

The movie featured Barbra Streisand as a flamboyant red-headed sex therapist named Roz. She was a hoot. As they walked out, Becky looked up at Greg and said sweetly, “Did I happen to mention that my buddy back in Dallas is a flamboyant red-headed sex therapist named Roz?”

They phoned me with the idea, came down from Colorado to talk about it, and the next thing I knew, I was writing this book.

Big Girl Panties is a story salad. As books will do, it took on a life of its own, informing me as I wrote. I’d started with the attitude of “Big Girl Panties mature and capable, Little Girl Britches childish and ineffective.” Before long, though, I rediscovered an enormous truth: they are both wonderful, amazing, when worn at the right times.

Our Big Girl part is mature, experienced, competent, logical, creative, often wise. She gets the job done, pays bills, makes plans, follows through. When something unexpected happens, she can deal with it. She has a great inner warning system, checks to see if something fits before she signs on. She is a problem-solver, responsible, accountable. She either knows how to do stuff or learns. Though she can sometimes be overbearing and rigid, you’d want her around to find lost luggage, whip up a last-minute dinner for unexpected guests, pull papers together for a tax audit. She is the one you’d want to take nurturing, protective care of your kids, your pets, your friendship. You can count on her.

The Little Girl part of us is charming, spontaneous, emotional, heartfelt, vulnerable, wide open. At times she has her own kind of wisdom, a sort of intuitive bullshit detector. She also can be impulsive, needy, manipulative. When she wants chocolate, she is laser-beam focused on getting chocolate, and the Big Girl has to keep her from eating the whole box.

When Big Girl gets tired—and she will, oh, she does—Little Girl sends the message, “I / we need to rest.”

Or…ironically…if the Little Girl is scrambling frantically to please everybody and thus get loved and approved of, it’s Big Girl who must gently say, “Sweetheart, you need to ease back. You are lovable and loved, whether or not you’re producing. You can just be. I’ll watch while you nap, and I’ll protect you from ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggedy beasties, and things that go bump in the night.”

Am I suggesting that you possess multiple personalities? Of course! You know that. Psychologists call them “varying ego states.” You respond or react differently in various situations or settings. You don’t dress or act or even think the same way in church as you do at the beach.

This book’s purpose is to help you choose which persona is best for you in a given circumstance. You will become more aware of ways you might have been unconsciously sabotaging your goals or relationships, or missing out on some really good lifestuff.

Feel free to laugh at me. I do, wholeheartedly. I invite you to laugh at yourself too, not in a scornful or condescending way, but with heartfelt supportive friendship.

I didn’t do anything to earn this marvelous gift called Life, but I’m damn sure going to celebrate it as long as it lasts.

I hope you do too.


We encourage you to buy your own copy of “Put Your Big Girl Panties On…”! It’s definitely not just for Big Girls… Big Boys can learn something, too!

Roz is available for one-to-one and couples coaching. She is located in Dallas, Texas and sees clients in person, weekly. For more information, click here.